


the last deal

by antsu_in_my_pantsu



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Human Bill Cipher, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, One Shot, POV Third Person, dynamic is basically angry ford vs flirty bill, ford may be a little ooc but he has like 17 lines of canon dialogue so who's to say really, it has elements of romance but its not super overt, no beta we die like men, op is a sellout who wants viewssss, takes place like a year after the finale, tbh this isnt even all that romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25099423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antsu_in_my_pantsu/pseuds/antsu_in_my_pantsu
Summary: Ford frowned and pointed his sci-fi gun at Bill, his outstretched arm only a few feet away from his target, “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t shoot you where you stand,”Bill scowled, his body posture and attitude reeking of petulance, “Is that any way to greet a guest?”“You aren’t welcome here as a guest,” Ford argued, teeth grit.“Okay, what about as a friend?”-In which Bill comes to Ford with one more offer.
Relationships: Bill Cipher & Ford Pines, Bill Cipher/Ford Pines
Comments: 1
Kudos: 52





	the last deal

**Author's Note:**

> Y’all ever just disappear for two months and come back with a new, random ass ship? Unfortunately, I did - more on my hiatus in the end note.
> 
> This is the first GF fanfic I’ve ever written, don’t be too hard on me ;-;
> 
> BTW - you should listen to this (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/77698T9zrEQuZwMACGlCtu?si=BfAT9LMiREqo2MwNTlXGoA) playlist on spotify! I made it for Victor Frankenstein, but it has massive billford vibes (I listened to it while writing this piece, so). 
> 
> Toward's the end of writing and editing I got really sloppy so sorry if the last 1k words kinda suck.

“Hey, stranger,”

It was seconds later that Bill Cipher was sprawled over the gravel pathway on the way to the mystery shack, nursing his jaw that was just punched with considerable force and ire. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Ford seethed, reaching inside his coat, presumably for his gun, “And why aren’t you dead, you triangular piece of shit?”

Bill chuckled, brushing off his suit and brushing back his hair, “Such a dirty mouth, tsk tsk. Your brother must be rubbing off on you,” 

He stood up, hands raised in the air with a toothy, insincere split across his face. Had it not been for his use of the ridiculous nickname or those piercing slit eyes, Ford might’ve not even recognized Bill - he was void of his former aura of power.

On a visual note, he didn’t look like a triangle or any other geometric shape. He appeared as a perfectly androgynous man, probably around the age of forty, with sickly pale skin, sunken eyes, and an emaciated build. His slicked-back hair was soot black, save for one iridescent blonde streak, the same color as the gold bowtie adorning his nineteenth century-style suit. 

Ford frowned and pointed his sci-fi gun at Bill, his outstretched arm only a few feet away from his target, “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t shoot you where you stand,”

Bill scowled, his body posture reeking of petulance, “Is that any way to greet a guest?” 

“You aren’t welcome here as a guest,” Ford argued, teeth grit.

“Okay, what about as a friend?”

Ford glared, tilting his hand ever-so-slightly to the left. He fired his gun, the bullet narrowly skimming the padded shoulder of Bill’s mustard yellow suit.

Bill chuckled, the sound pitchy and unpleasant to the ears, “Warning shot? You’ve gone soft, old man,” 

“Leave now, or I’ll be cleaning your blood off these stairs,” 

“Oh, come on, Stanford. I know you’re interested in  _ this _ ,” Bill gestured at his human body.

“Hardly,” He retorted, not lowering the gun.

“You can’t fool me. I can see the gears turning in that brainiac mind of yours. Also, there’s a pretty good chance this body is unkillable, so,” Bill shrugged almost apologetically, “Do with that information what you will,”

“For all I know, you could be goading me into shooting you, which might unleash incomprehensible terrors onto the world, which are barely bound in the body you’re possessing,” Ford muttered, “Or you’re bluffing, in which case I’ll take my chances,”

Ford poised his hand over the trigger, closing one eye for better aim. Bill’s eyebrows raised as he raced to explain. 

“I know my word doesn’t mean much to you, but that’s hardly the case. I am willing to explain to your heart’s content, though, in exchange for a… small price,” Bill outstretched his gloved hand, his fingers slender and knobbly.

Ford shot again, the bullet going directly through Bill’s tophat this time. “We both know I’m done with your pathetic deals,”

Bill took a step back, putting a hand over his heart defensively, “Don’t break your legs jumping to conclusions. I was merely suggesting an arrangement of sorts. An agreement between equals, if you will,”

“I would never agree to another one of your schemes,” Ford snarled, the words bitter and pointed. 

“Then we’ve come to an impasse,” Bill sighed, reaching into this breast pocket, from which he retrieved a small pocket watch. After a glance, he continued, “You’re not the one staring down the barrel of a gun, Fordsy. You could either accompany me and learn knowledge unknown to any other enlightened mind - which I’m offering free of price, I might add - or you could kill me, an otherwise non threat. Your choice,”

“Nonthreat,” Ford scorned, rolling his eyes, “And how do you suppose I get this knowledge you’re so-conveniently offering? By surrendering my mind to you?”  


“You’re getting ahead of yourself there. This host is only human,” Bill placed his hands in his pockets, suddenly looking very small as he said, “I was only suggesting we... go out for lunch,”

Ford’s face contorted into an expression of bewilderment, his eyes widening in a moment of utter surprise before narrowing once more.  “What’s your game here?” He said, his voice involuntarily raising, “Wh - what are you trying to get out of this? And what the hell makes you think I would ever,  _ ever  _ want to spend another minute with your insane self?” 

“Don’t try to high-road me,” Bill protested, his words almost sounding like a plea, “You and I used to be rather close, yes?”   


“Yes, before you tortured me, made several consecutive attempts to destroy my home-”

Bill waved a hand dismissively, “Bridge under the water!”

Ford brushed him off, “and  _ harmed my family _ ,” 

As if on queue, Stanley’s voice sounded from inside the Mystery Shack, “Is someone at the door, Sixer? You didn’t tell me you had visitors!”

Ford snapped back to look at the shack’s open door, and his hand momentarily lowered in contemplation. 

“Is that Stanley? Wait, are Pine Tree and Shooting Star in there?” Bill took a few steps forward before Ford fired his gun, the bullet landing in the ground in front of the demon’s feet. 

“Leave them out of this,” Ford said lowly, “Then, we can talk,” 

“Works for me!” Bill agreed enthusiastically, walking up the steps to hook his arm around Ford’s shoulders, “I’ll make it worth your time, I swear on your life. Also, physical contact is weird,” 

***

Ford was seated across from Bill, cloistered away in a booth buried in the most far corner of Greasy’s Diner. It was disconcerting, to say the least, to see Bill acting so normal in front of him. He was browsing the menu and sipping his coffee as though he was a normal man at a diner instead of an interdimensional enemy of god. 

Bill spoke for the first time in the twenty-seven minutes they’d spent together in the dinky diner, “Hey, is your entire mouth supposed to burn after you drink this stuff?” He raised his coffee mug that was still emitting steam, “Because my tongue feels like it just got stabbed by a thousand needles,”

Ford disregarded his query, “It’s weird hearing your voice as a normal man’s instead of a chorus of tortured demon souls,” 

“Quite the downgrade, if you ask me,” Bill shrugged nonchalantly, “It was pretty hard choosing only one voice for this host,”

“I hate it,”

“Oh, Fordsy, you were always such a comic,” 

They lapsed back into uncomfortable silence once more, though Bill seemed content to read and reread the menu or scribble triangles on his napkins with crayon. He wasn’t in any hurry to explain whatever was going on as he promised, which proved to be worrying for Ford. 

He cleared his throat, “Isn’t it, uh, jarring to inhabit a physical host like that? Especially for long periods of time?”

Bill didn’t even look up as he eagerly replied, “Oh, naturally! It’s absolutely terrible being trapped in this flesh prison. I don’t even understand ninety percent of this body's functions. I mean, seriously, your pathetic, shit species has to breathe all the time and eat multiple times per day and spend half of all time alive resting. You have two eyes, but your sad excuse for a field of vision can barely go ninety degrees… it’s completely unideal. I’m not used to having such a  _ needy _ host,”

Ford grit his teeth, gripping the handle on his own coffee mug with fury, “If you hate being a human so much, then why did you possess one?”

Bill dropped his menu and looked up, cocking his head. He stared blankly at Ford before inquiring, “Possess?”

“Yes,” Ford raised an eyebrow, “That  _ is  _ what you’re doing. What poor soul did you steal this body from?” 

The other man guffawed at that in a way that was ungenteel and obnoxious, causing everyone in the diner to stare their way, to Ford’s discomfort. 

“Oh, that’s rich. I know this is probably too hard for your small mind to understand, even for you, Brainiac, but this is one hundred percent authentic Bill Cipher!” He motioned to himself, “I didn’t really have much of a choice of what form I took, anyway,”

Ford opened his mouth to ask a thousand more questions, but Lazy Susan came to take their order. Bill ordered a large amount of food before making small talk with Susan, complimenting her establishment and her lazy eye. It made Ford sick, to see him socializing like any normal man, to see him slip into society with such ease.

After Susan left to submit their order, Bill turned to him and said, “I assumed you knew, but you’re paying. I don’t understand how money works in twenty-first century post-industrial revolution capitalist society,”

Ford merely stared at him, not processing the words he was saying, “You can eat?"

“Not only  _ can  _ I eat,” Bill frowned, “I kind of  _ have _ to. I’m human now. Didn’t you listen to my rant about how shitty and frail your species is five minutes ago?” 

“I made a conscious choice to ignore every word that came out of your mouth,” Ford deadpanned.

“So cold, and to an old friend like me, nonetheless!” Bill said in a melodramatic accusatory tone, “Y’know, I almost starved to death in my first few days as a human,”

“And?”

Bill narrowed his eyes, “Whaddya mean ‘and?’ I did what any sane man did and killed a dear, and proceeded to eat its rotting remains for months to come,”

Ford nodded sagely at that, “I’ve done similarly,”

“See, we’re not so different, you and me,” Bill grinned in an overly treacly manner, batting his eyes and resting his chin on his hands, “Those first few months alive were hell!”

Ford saw the opportunity to turn the conversion, seizing it by hurriedly interjected, “Well, before that -” 

“I couldn’t believe that’s how you people lived! When I first inhabited Pine Tree, I assumed that was just interdimensional jet lag or whatever, but you guys just  _ exist  _ like this!” Bill laughed in disbelief, “It’s insane,”

“Yes, well, about that interdimensional-”

Bill interrupted him once more, completely ignoring his remarks and continued droning, “I took, as you humans would say, so much LSD! Even then, it barely resembled how I used to see reality,”

“Bill, quite frankly, I really don’t give a damn about what you’ve been doing these past few months,” Ford spat through closed teeth and a locked jaw, the grip on his gun tightening in case the situation were to escalate. 

Bill froze for a moment, as though not expecting that response. His mouth was drawn into a tight line as he stared for a long, hard moment. Then, his expression broke into his favorite uncanny grin, flashing his pearly whites for a little too long.

“I see you haven't taken an interest in small talk,” He pouted, resting his head on his hand, “I suppose that's a constant with you, being direct. Blunt. Candid. It’s a shame, really, we could have so much fun together… ”

“ _ You’re _ the one who sought me,” Ford scoffed, choosing to ignore that last part, “I upheld my end of the deal by taking you here, now I expect you to uphold yours,”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t have a bit of talk first,”

“Every moment I spend with you is another year off my lifespan,”

“And every breath I take without your approval improves my already absurdly high self-esteem!” 

Ford opened his mouth, ready to curse Bill’s name and use every insult he could think of, but was conveniently interrupted by Lazy Susan bringing their food. Ford merely responded with a gruff “thanks,” already knowing he wasn’t going to eat most of his small plate of eggs. Bill, on the other hand, responded with a suspiciously enthusiastic “thank you, darling!” much to the delight of Susan herself.

Ford was surprised at the vigor at which Bill consumed his food, shovelling eggs and pancakes into his mouth at a speed that was indicative of starvation. It was then that Ford noticed how tightly Bill’s skin clung to his cheeks, his face appearing hollow and opaque. He really hadn’t been lying when he said it had been a rough few months for him - a being once powerful enough to nearly destroy the world was now wolfing down food as he slowly starved to death, relegated to a pitiful excuse for a man.

“Someone’s hungry,” Ford commented, unable to contain his small grin. 

“Yeah, yeah, marvel all you want, Sixer. This body is shit, but eat leasy it’s only temporary - not  _ that  _ temporary, so don’t worry about it,” Bill was quick to add when Ford’s hand snapped to his gun. 

Ford slowly moved his hand away, “Now would be a good a time as any to explain yourself,”

Bill rolled his eyes, pointing his fork at Stan, “So impatient, goddamn. Fine, let me just start with all my cards on the table. Erasing your brother’s memory was a dumbass move,”

Ford grit his teeth. “What?”

Bill put his hands up defensively, “I’m merely being honest! You and your superiority complex could use some constructive criticism. I mean, the old man obviously got his memories back. That was to be expected. Did you really think he would permanently forget me, the literal catalyst for the apocalypse? And that, if he were to remember me, I would miraculously stay dead?”

“It wasn’t an  _ ideal  _ plan, but that doesn’t mean you have to harp on it creatively speaking,” Ford muttered.

“Well, news flash, your Plan A ritual would’ve  _ actually _ killed me for good. Chew on that, let it keep you awake at night for the next few years,” Bill retorted, sporting a smug expression, “Anyway, when your brother remembered me, I came into existence again, just not as it was before. I don’t remember much, but I’m almost certain I was stuck in a limbo between dimensions, a liminal space of sorts. It was the closest thing to what your primitive excuse for a species would call hell,” 

“I feel so bad for you,” Ford interjected, voice impassive. 

“Eat my ass,” Bill barked, “By the way, I learned that expression from stalking teenagers,”

Then, Bill launched into his spiel about how he escaped and came to be now. He gesticulated wildly the entire time, speaking more with his hands than the words coming out of his mouth, every word complemented by the flick of his wrist or the tilt of his eyebrow. It was, against Ford’s better judgement, captivating.

“So, during my time as a theoretical entity, I found a little loophole in the rules governing interdimensional existence. After pulling a few strings, I find my way out of the liminal space in between dimensions. All I had to do was take a three dimensional, carbon-based life form in any dimension of my choosing. Basically going from interdimensional omnipotence, to intradimensional powerlessness. I went from only existing in the dreamscape of the mind to only existing in the physical world,” Bill noticed the other man’s baffled expression and smirked, “I’m sure you’re smart enough to grasp this,”

Ford merely sneered in response at that. 

“Now, all I have to do is find a way to regain my strength and - hey, hey! Don’t make that face. It’ll take another century or two before I even figure out how to ascend this plane of existence, let alone get a fraction of the power I had before. By then, you and everyone you love will be long-gone,” Bill punctuated with a sickeningly sweet smile, his leer piercing and unwavering.

“As much as I hate to admit it, your very existence in a human body is a complete anomaly of time and space; it’s - it’s -,” The scientist murmured under his breath, barely able to contain his fascination, “incredible,”

“Aww, you really think so, Fordsy?”

“I meant the goddamn process was incredible, not you,” Ford spat, irascible, “Don’t flatter yourself you three-point bastard,”

“Your words never cease to inflict great emotional wounds. Just kidding, that was a joke,”

Ford brushed him off, continuing, “But out of all the dimensions, all the infinite planets… Why Earth? Why Gravity Falls?”

“Well, finding a carbon-based species is already difficult enough, but doing it while the literally metaphorical walls of time and space threaten to implode on you?” He smiled sickly, his mouth spread unnatural and wide, “It’s a bitch and a half, Sixer. Besides, I thought it’d be nice to drop by and visit some old friends,”

“We,” Ford countered, his voice laced with acerbity, “are not friends,” 

“We’re having a meal together, aren’t we? That  _ is _ one of the ways your species expresses familiarity, right?” Bill ran his hand through his hair, and for a brief moment, he looked tired. Without his glamorous smile or glimmering persona, he just looked like a sad, tired old man. “Oh, and I know you haven’t considered this, Pointdexter, but since I have a human brain, I’m actually able to, uh,  _ feel  _ things such as familiarity now,”

When Ford only stared at him with a hard, blank expression, Bill proceeded to elaborate, “I didn’t have a brain before. I was physically incapable of experiencing human emotion! Sure, I could experience simulations of amusement or delight or rage - mostly the last one - but I never actually  _ felt  _ it. Now that I have a human brain, I’m capable of producing chemical reactions as a result of familiarity and positive interactions over time,”

“What’re you getting at? That you’ve decided to redeem yourself now with the power of love?” Ford mocked, feeling nauseous at the implication of such a development.

“Oh, hardly. Sure, I can experience love now, but that means jack shit to me in the face of incomprehensible interdimensional power over the vast domain of space,”

All Ford could bring himself to do was laugh, dryly and incredulously, “You dumb, sick animal,”

“Oh, Fordsy,” Bill drank from his now-cold coffee, distaste spreading over his features as he spoke into the mug, “Y’know, I always did have a soft spot for you,”

“Excuse me?” Ford floundered for a moment, completely blinded by the sentiment Bill just expressed.

“Wasn’t it obvious? During the weird-pocolypse or whatever dumb named you called it-”

“- Weirdmaggedon -”

“Hardly mattress now, darling,” Bill purred, clearly pleased by Ford’s flustered expression. 

“Oh,  _ sorry _ , please forgive me for thinking that torturing me and putting my family through irrevocable psychological and physical torment was a form of flattery,” Ford snarled as all amusement left him, leaving him with the cold, bitter feeling he started with when he initially laid eyes upon Bill. 

“So critical,” The demon tittered, “I mean, I turned you into pure gold instead of stone like those other chumps! I serenaded you with a classic song that’s iconic to your period of time. Even before that, I spent years going in and out of your mind!”

“No need to remind me,”

Bill promptly grabbed Ford’s hand by the wrist, before exclaiming, “C’mon, you can’t even deny those were intimate times!”

Ford’s blood ran cold as he hissed, “ _ Intimate _ ?” 

“Well, duh, no shit. I was literally inside you - and not in the mammal’s way of reproduction,” Bill pressed Ford’s hand to his own face, leaning over across the table, “No matter how hard I try, there’s always going to be a space between our molecules now - or my molecules with anyone else’s, for that matter. We’re always going to be apart now. Whether you like it or not, sharing your body and mind was about as intimate as it’ll ever get for the both of us,”

Ford stood with a start, and without turning to the other man he curtly informed him, “I’m leaving now,” 

Bill stood up to follow Ford, who was rushing out of the restaurant, but he lacked the grace or coordination to walk properly. He stumbled awkwardly on his thin legs, like a newborn baby deer or a methhead. It was unnerving. 

“Stanford! Ford, Fordsy, Sixer,” Bill called after him, managing to catch up with him on the sidewalk, “Goddamn weak human lungs, fuck,” He coughed for a long moment while struggling to keep up. 

“It was insane that I even agreed to talk to you, I - oh my god, what was I thinking?” Ford rambled, moreso to himself than Bill, as though trying to rationalize the pure absurdity of the situation. 

“Don’t be hasty!” 

“Don’t follow me,” Ford spat, still not meeting Bill’s eyes as he trotted alongside, “If you do, I’ll blow your brains out,”

“What’s got you so worked up, darling? Personally, I thought it was going rather nicely, though the establishment was a little subpar -”

“Shut the hell up, shut the  _ hell _ up,” Ford rambled, his tone sporadic, all previous traces of his composure gone, “I know exactly what you’re trying to do, and I can’t believe I let you get the chance to do it,”

“And what is that?”

“Get back inside my head,” He hissed, his head snapping towards the other, who was walking backwards, “Make me your little patsy, your  _ puppet  _ again,”

“Slow your roll, old timer,” Bill held up his hands in a pacifying manner, “I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t have the power to do that sort of thing anymore. If I wanted to take over your mind, I would’ve done it with extreme efficacy by now,”

In a sick way, that seemed to reassure Ford quite a bit. It was true - if Bill had the power to do something he wanted, he would do it. He knew very little of self control. 

“Still,” Ford protested, expression uneasy, “Talking to you is a complete breach of all my moral conduct. I refuse to indulge you any longer,”

“Indulge me?” Bill squawked, eyebrows raised in surprise, “I doubt this occurred to you, but we came away with vastly different rewards from that exchange. I got, what, an hour of social interaction and a hot meal? You got the secret to escaping dimensional limbo, the details of my former and current physical form, and a bill for some cheap diner food - which you didn’t pay, I might add,”

“What’s your point?” 

“My point,” Bill winked, clearly amused by his own pun, “Is that you’re getting much more from this arrangement than I am,”

“This isn’t an arrangement,” Ford responded gruffly, throwing a sharp glare Bill’s way. 

“Of course, I’m getting ahead of myself,” Bill conceded, “Let’s make it one, then,”

Ford stopped dead in his tracks. They reached the edge of the forest, they were about a quarter mile from the Mystery Shack, and a few hundred yards from the main buildings of Gravity Falls. No prying eyes and ears in sight. 

Ford glared at Bill, skepticism written over his features, “I thought you said no more deals,”

“Sure I did! This isn’t a deal, though. This is an agreement between equals, like I said earlier. It's friendship,”

“Is that so?”

Bill clucked his tongue, “You’re a man of science, Stanford. I  _ know _ you. You want knowledge, and I happen to have a surplus of it. I could tell you the secrets of the universe - think of the knowledge I could exposit, without the price of madness. I can give you the Cliffnotes version of the universe’s knowledge, all for free. You can’t even deny that’s enticing,”

“And what makes you think I want to aid you?”

Bill smiled at him, but his expression was glacial, “Who said anything about you aiding me? Don’t flatter yourself, jackass. I’m going to regain to power to destroy the world whether you’re buddy-buddy with me or not. I can assure you, your neutrality in this matter means less than nothing!”

“If you don’t require my assistance, then what’s in it for you?”

Bill’s slit pupil dilated, not out of any apparent surprise, but dripping with a raw, insatiable hunger. For a split second, Ford was reminded of how utterly terrifying Bill once was, and his entire body went cold and heavy at the sight of his ravenous expression. 

Bill, with a sharp, jerky movement, grasped the sides of Ford’s head, bringing him close until their faces were inches apart. His grip was strong, his bony fingers digging into Ford’s hair through the gloves. Ford gripped Bill’s wrists tightly, too afraid to push him away, but not afraid enough to submit entirely.

“Consider it a favor for my,” Bill exhaled softly, his words breathy and faint as he said, “most beloved specimen _ ,” _

Bill held Ford for a few more seconds before shoving him away, laughing at how frazzled and uncomposed that exchange left him. 

“Not like I have anything better to do, anyway,” Bill shrugged at Ford’s look of horror, “So, whaddya say? I give you life-changing and otherwise unobtainable information in exchange for some of your time? 

Ford opened his mouth only to close it again. He repeated his several times over before sighing, brushing a hand through his greying hair. Bill circled him, not unlike a predator does prey. 

He wrapped an arm over the other’s shoulders, placing his free hand under Ford’s chin and tilting his head toward him, “You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, my dear, make the logical decision,”

Ford gazed at him, his face inscrutable. Bill had seen this same conflicted visage before years ago during their first meeting, and knew Ford was talking himself into it. 

“I agree,”

Bill relinquished his hold on Ford, clapping his hands together, eyes wide, “You’ll do it?”

He held out his hand, open and inviting. Ford looked between the other man’s face and his hand. The gesture was familiar in the worst possible way, the nostalgia was nauseating. 

What the hell, he made it this far. Fuck it. 

They shook hands, and the sickeningly familiar feeling washed over Ford. Bill’s firm grip was the same as it was all those years ago, except this time there was no mystical azure flames or damnation, there was only the feel of Bill’s cold, fabric-covered fingers in Ford’s own. 

“So, when can I see you next?” Bill didn’t relinquish the other man’s hand, instead clapping his second hand over Ford’s, clasping tightly, “Is this going to be monthly, fortnightly, weekly…?”

“About that,” Ford couldn’t help but smirk at Bill’s blank face, “I’m actually out of town most of the time. I’m only in Gravity Falls for a month or so to visit the kids with Stanley. Otherwise we’re…” Ford wasn’t too eager to tell Bill about his whereabouts, so he spoke his next words very carefully, “not here,”

“Oh, Fordsy,” Bill muttered to himself, a light grin on his face, “You son of a bitch,”

“I’ll see you next year, Bill,” 

Ford turned to leave as Bill began to rant, “Hey, I don’t appreciate that little smirk face you’re doing. Just to be clear, a year is nothing to me, you ass. I don’t know if you recall, but I’ve lived a million epochs in the span of a second," Bill made a sound of disgust before repeating, "This means nothing to me,”

Ford waited until Bill was done speaking and then, against his better judgement, he turned around. Bill was gone, with no tracks or sound. Ford decided not to think about it too hard. Maybe Bill was just good at retreating.

_ Maybe I just made a grave mistake. _

**Author's Note:**

> So, BillFord. I never thought I was going to write something for it, but I got really inspired to write this after binging all of Gravity Falls in 4 days. I honestly don’t think I really got Ford’s voice in this piece, but it eez what it eez.
> 
> More on my hiatus because I’m an egomaniac who loves talking about myself:
> 
> Back to two months ago - I had a lot of inspiration for a lot of different works in late May, but all my motivation disappeared. I wrote, like, 80% of a Frankenstein fanfic before I decided I hated it and stopped. I also planned a 14 chapter DRV3 kaemugi fanfiction, wrote the first chapter, and then decided I hated it and stopped. One night, I wrote like 800 words of a post-canon jetko one shot, but I got bored with that real quick. I also planned a very long, elaborate Romeo and Juliette frat au fanfiction, but I don’t have the balls to start. I had a whole schedule for posting fortnightly, but I just couldn’t find the drive to make anything. I haven’t had any inspiration, for fanfiction or originals or anything.
> 
> So, there I was for two months, sitting in the graveyard of all my dead projects. I got really into Rick and Morty, and since Justin Roiland and Alex Hirsch are good friends, I also decided to binge Gravity Falls. Weirdly enough, I don’t ship BillFord as much as I expected?? I thought I’d be super into it, but I’m significantly more interested in Stanchez (which I’ll probably write for in the future).
> 
> On a completely unrelated note, I also really like minecraft youtubers now. I used to be really into the hermitcraft series (Mumbo, Grian, and Scar mostly) but now I’m more into the SMP crowd. I’ve been binging old technoblade minecraft monday lives and watching pretty much anything with Jschlatt or Wilbursoot. I also love the Dream Team - especially Dream himself. I won’t be writing fanfiction on any of that, for obvious reasons (RPF isn’t my thing, and I think it’s weird).
> 
> Final note: for the record, the line “every breath I take without your approval improves my self-esteem” is from Rick and Morty, I believe season 4 episode 3. I don’t have the brainpower to write a line so cool. lol
> 
> My other social media:  
> Instagram - @wormweeb (cosplay)  
> Tumblr - @antsu-in-my-pantsu (shitposts), @wormweeb (fandom stuff), @frankensteinvictor (dark academia)  
> ♡ Love you all! ♡ Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! ♡


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